In systems engineering, one of the central challenges is distinguishing between local and global optimization. Whether you’re tuning a complex machine learning model or debugging a massive software system, the fundamental question is: Are we making small, convenient improvements that bring us marginal short-term relief at the expense of long-term well-being? Or are we pursuing genuinely global solutions—ones that may involve tough decisions and temporary discomfort, but which ultimately lead to sustainable stability and health?

It’s tempting, both in engineering and in everyday life, to focus on local maxima—those seemingly smart moves that minimize pain or inconvenience in the here and now. Think about navigating an unknown landscape: you climb a small hill and believe you’ve found a great vantage point. Settling there might feel good initially—no more scrambling, no more wondering if you can make it higher. Yet, by staying put, you never reach the true summit, the global maximum that might have offered a life-changing panoramic view.

Human relationships often fall prey to the same pitfall. We make choices that appear beneficial in the moment, hoping to avoid conflict, awkwardness, or vulnerability. We might side-step difficult conversations because we worry about triggering emotional pain. We might shower a situation with quick fixes—placating words, small gifts, or superficial agreements—to keep the peace. Each time we opt for these “micro-optimizations,” we minimize short-term strain. But if we repeatedly seek these local maxima of comfort, we risk never addressing the deeper issues that truly matter.

Over time, these deferred confrontations and superficial solutions can accumulate into something more damaging. Like any complex system, relationships that have been maintained through short-term patches may find themselves more fragile in the long run. The very effort to avoid discomfort can lead to an environment where underlying problems fester—unseen but potent. The steady drift into unresolved tension, small resentments, and unspoken disappointments can lead to a global minimum point: a place of profound disconnection and unhappiness.

In other words, pain management cannot be the sole metric by which we guide our decisions. Choosing not to engage with discomfort today can mean facing a far larger cost tomorrow. Just as a good engineering solution requires us to think holistically—anticipating ripple effects, second-order consequences, and maintenance over the entire product lifecycle—our human interactions demand a similar perspective. To truly optimize a relationship for its full arc, we must be willing to tackle the tough conversations, admit to vulnerabilities, and confront conflicts head-on, even if it feels incredibly uncomfortable in the moment.

To be clear, this doesn’t mean rushing into conflict for conflict’s sake. Instead, it’s about embracing a deeper form of courage: the willingness to endure short-term strain in pursuit of long-term harmony. Healthy boundaries, honest communication, and measured, compassionate truth-telling act like strategic redesigns in an engineering system—they may impose immediate challenges, but they promise greater stability, trust, and understanding over time.

In the end, we must remember that continuous local optimization—however kind it might seem—can overshadow genuine growth. Balancing our desire to avoid short-term discomfort against the need for long-term health isn’t easy, but it’s essential. By confronting these small hills and not mistaking them for the mountaintop, combined with the taste, judgement, and self-reflection of which hills we want to climb, we give ourselves the chance to climb onward and upward, toward the global maxima, whatever that may be.

Can’t run from the pain, go towards it
Some things can’t be explained, what caused it