CANDLE-LIT DINNER. Dinner with you significant other of 4 years. Tonight's the night. You brought the ring.

YOU: So I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and I think it’s time we take the next step in our relationship...
Her: *in awe*
YOU: *gets down on one knee* Will you marry me?
HER: Yes! Of course!
YOU (relieved): *Takes her hand and slowly puts ring on finger*
HER: I'm so excited!
YOU: Me too!
You stare into each others eyes as time freezes.
HER: Oh by the way I'm thinking about breaking up with you.
YOU: *surprised* um what?
HER: Serious. One more shot before I break up with you and go date other people.
YOU: Where is this coming from?
HER: *grimaces* So, five months ago you did something I didn't like. And since we only talk about our feelings twice a year, this is when you find out and we adjust
YOU: ...?
HER: I just can't be like other humans and tell you about things when they happen, I'd rather wait to group all my feedback to twice a year. It's more efficient to batch it that way.
YOU: wait so even though we're getting married, you're upset at me because of something from five months ago?
HER: Yup! Really excited we're getting married though.
HER: Directionally our relationship has never been better. It just wasn't great five months ago.
YOU: I'm so confused.
HER: That's ok why don't you take a few hours to think about my feedback and we can sync up later.
YOU: ...?
HER: *Awkward fake smile*
YOU: ...?
HER: Let's get you a pillow on the way home. Your ass is sleeping on the couch till we have this conversation again in September 2020.


FROM: Date Night with Your Performance Review